What am I doing, anyway?

Over the course of the past few days, I've been pondering a lot about my present situation, how much time I spend on my computer, the state that my apartment is in, etc.... Plus, some of the conversations I've had with a few of the people I know online have made me realize just how much of my own life I have been missing out on.

I'm at an age now where most people are starting families and living fulfilling lives with those they love... However, the last time I was in a somewhat fulfilling relationship was about four years ago. She was in a position of having to decide between me and her ex, and he won out in the end. Ever since then, I have not really even cared about love or real emotional intimacy; I keep telling myself in the back of my mind that I want something more fulfilling with my life and yet I still end up in so many meaningless relationships which only exist out of base physical attraction, or a mutual boredom. If we don't call each other a month, or sometimes even days later, it's all the same, as we are no worse off than before the chance encounter. It has gotten to such a point now that I cannot even muster up the emotion to let myself become attached to anyone in the real world since I simply cannot deal with the consequences of things should they become serious.

That, of course, leads directly to the next thing that is on my mind: I find it far easier to confide and show interest in someone online whom I have little to no chance to meet in the real world, than to say the things which need to be said to those who are directly involved in my life. Even when, in the deepest part of my soul, I truly believe in the things I say through the distance of the internet; I can't help but wonder if I would be able to express those very same feelings in person. I foolishly reassure myself that if it's through the indirect interaction of the internet, then the person on the other end will likely only receive the sentiment as being nothing more than words on the screen, and feelings cannot be hurt that way. I am such a fucking coward.

But then, the "emotional freedom" the internet provides isn't the only thing to blame for my detachment to everything and everyone. I have always been a quiet, soft-spoken individual who, given the choice, would far rather be not noticed at all than noticed in a negative light. I have always calculated my every word, made my every decision in such a way that my intentions cannot possibly be misunderstood... and yet, by making my choices through logic rather than feelings, I have ended up isolating myself from the rest of the world around me in such a way that is nearly impossible to repair so long as I remain around those who know only of the side of me they have been presented with for so long. Adding to all of that the fact that I live by myself in an apartment with no direct neighbor (the apartment next door is empty, and mine is above a garage which is used only for storage), and one may get an idea of just how lonely this way of living is.

The worst part of all of this is that I know exactly the things which are wrong with me, but I have no idea how to go about fixing them without some kind of direct guidance. It has been several years since I actually knew someone who was willing to give so much effort toward trying to make me a better person... and I managed to screw up that relationship horribly.... and I have doubts that I will ever be able to find another woman who would be willing to put up with my crap long enough to teach me how to truly love someone again. I suppose it's merely human nature to keep making the same mistakes.

I'm sick of being such an asshole.

recently finished commission

I just realized that I had forgotten to post here a recent commission I had finished...

It is a request for Sarah, the daughter of one of my co-workers. She's really into comics and fantasy stuff, and wanted to be drawn as a comic character in a sort of warrior armor. Working with her father Bill on the creative process, this was what I eventually came up with; she seems to have liked it. I took a different approach to the styling of features from how I normally draw characters... particularly on the face. I'm not so accustomed to drawing people from real life as comic characters unless I've known them for a while and can present things about their personality in a manner other than just base physical appearance.... as such, I think could have done more as far as expressiveness goes.

Aliens in the Supermarket #1: I has a starfruits |:B

Ain't it purtiful?

I figured I'd try one of these things, since they keep staring at me every time I'm in the produce aisle of the local market.

The starfruit, from the outside, has a very sweet smell and slightly "tacky" feel to the skin, which would suggest a high sugar content. However, upon cutting the thing into slices, I found that the fruit inside doesn't really have much of a smell at all, save for perhaps the slightest tinge of... feet? I couldn't quite place my finger on it.

So then, I ate a slice and my expectations were knocked by the wayside yet again. For a fruit which seems so soft from the outside, the flesh actually has a slight "crunchiness" to it, akin to raw bell pepper. Also, the flavor was not exactly sweet; rather quite sour and "dry," almost like gooseberry.

So, the final verdict? It was nothing close to what I had expected, but not really bad either. Just different... kind of going along with how unusual it looks.


Thus concludes another odd foods journal! :D

Figure drawing tutorial and other stuff

If you're interested, feel free to check out this figure drawing tutorial I put together!

Tutorial link
(Linked since Blogger automatically resizes everything... ^^; )

Also, here is the current progress on the picture in the tutorial:

Yup, I'm finally taking the plunge into digital art! I'm still a fair bit lost on a few of the processes, but it's certainly a learning experience. Also, with the help of the Tutorial Club on DA that Ahmed started, I've been able to pick up a few resources to help me out along the way.

_________________________________


So, in other news, work has been fairly interesting lately. We've been picking up a lot more work, and business is picking up nicely. There was just a round of promotions, unfortunately I was not among them... however the higher-ups have stated that there will be more opportunities very soon. I'm looking forward to it!

A fellow member on HobbyFanatics has challenged all of the veteran mecha model builders to "put our money where our mouths are," so to speak, and post our recent works in order to lead the newer members by example. I've no problem with this, in fact I've just finished gluing my Wildfalken kit earlier today and it'll be ready for primer once I sand it one more time... but I don't really want to post a WIP thread unless I'm doing something extraordinary like extensive mods or a new technique of some sort... So, I'll just try to get through this one really quickly (and hopefully the weather lets up so I can airbrush the thing...), so I have a finished product to show everyone. And hopefully I don't get bashed for my shitty camera. lol

This doesn't really look like enough to start a WIP thread off of, does it?
Also, my usual airbrushing "workbench" is out of commission at the moment:


I set up a board on this ledge outside of my apartment as a platform for airbrushing, since I can't set up a spray booth indoors.

Oh well, maybe it'll give me an opportunity to practice my handbrushing techniques?

They know when you're eating... (O_o)

OH HI

I find it interesting that I generally don't get any phone calls until I have just cooked something or brought food home, and am sitting down to eat. Then everyone I know calls me, and several whom I don't! Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon?

I have discovered the joy of building model kits at work. During the slower days, it's really nice to have something to do in between cases! I've built my 1/144 Wildfalken over the course of the past two days; it's just too bad that I'm not able to putty or paint it due to fume issues.... though sanding is fine of course, since I can sand the parts over the bottom half of the box. I may or may not post it on HobbyFanatics when it's finished...

Bullet For My Valentine's new album, "Scream Aim Fire" is freaking amazing. It's just about all I've listened to over the past couple of weeks... (well, aside from "Lensflare" of course! )

CG art is still taking some getting used to. I've laid down all of the flat colors on separate layers and cleaned up the edges; now I've just got to figure out how to "contain" the areas of color so none of the color goes outside the lines when I do shading and such. I have the sneaky suspicion it has something to do with "masks," but I've just got to fiddle around with the program a bit more I think.

I've found the ideal breakfast food: a large slab of Foccacia bread, lightly toasted, with a small bowl of hummus (with peppers, onion, and fresh cilantro) for dipping. It's filling, nutritious, and just tastes good. Plus, the sheer amount of bread helps to absorb the coffee I drink with it, thus allowing me to drink more!

Trigun Maximum vol. 12 is rather interesting. Not a whole lot happens story-wise, but nonetheless a LOT of things happen which I never thought I'd see in that series. Livio has become even more of my favorite character now.

I now have a bag of giant potatoes. There are some in there which would cover a whole plate upon cutting in half! Time for some killer baked potatoes...

My joke account on DA, "Oh Shit plz," continues to grow in popularity. Where will the madness end?!

I'm working on a commission for someone at work; a gift for his daughter (who I think I went to school with; she looks really familiar somehow...), drawing her as a fighter/warrior kind of person. You know, the type of characters I always draw. I should get around to finishing it... got to ask him on a color scheme first though. He's already approved of the armor design, so that's good... I definitely didn't want to portray her with too much sexual appeal; it might not be such a good idea since I'm in communication with her father and all.

Horchata is a delicious drink, but the little rice granules get annoying after a while. No matter how refreshing a mug of it is, the sandy feeling from the rice sludge negates the whole effect.

Why did Klaha feel the need to nearly always sing vibrato when he hits higher notes? I normally really enjoy his vocal style, but it becomes incredibly annoying on "鏡の舞踏幻惑の夜"... I've had the CD forever, but still have never been able to stand that song due to the overuse of that technique.

This ride on the train of my thought has been brought to you by the letter "4" and the number "f."

I love my new job

Hello!

As the topic would suggest, I really like my new job. I'm currently working for the local branch of ACS, Inc., and loving every minute of it so far. The place is so much better organized than any other business I've ever worked at before; the management structure and procedures are vastly superior to anything I've ever seen in any job. Plus, I had a very pleasant surprise in finding out that my boss here is my old boss from back when I was working for Verizon! It would appear that we're all moving up in the world! :D

Foods I want to try eventually

As you may well know, I have a fascination for foods which most might find strange or unusual. I've been thinking about this, and have come up with a list of foods I would like to try sometime in my life.

1- Century Egg
This ancient Chinese delicacy is essentially an egg that has been preserved for several months in a clay and herb mixture that is specially formulated in order to promote a sort of "controlled spoilage" inside the egg, fermenting the contents into a savory compound surrounded with slime. It looks rather horrendous, but allegedly tastes wonderful. As the concept of such a state fascinates me, I actually want to try it, regardless of whether or nor I can stand the sight of the stuff. I'll save further judgment for when I actually have the opportunity to try one.

2- Durian
This fruit native to southeast Asia is often referred to as the "King of Fruits." It's surrounded in thorns, it supposedly smells awful, but behind these rather formidable defenses lies a custard-like filling that has been described by several sources as the best thing they have ever tasted. As a man, I don't mind fowl smelling things, so this one shouldn't be a problem for me... however, finding some in Midwest America might prove to be more than difficult.

3- Truffles
I am a fan of edible fungus, so this should be right up my alley. With a complex flavor which has been described as being similar to almonds, garlic, chocolate, sunflower seeds, etc., it seems to be a rather versatile ingredient in the kitchen.... if only SOMEONE WOULD AGREE ON WHAT THE HELL THEY TASTE LIKE!!! I think the reason why there are so many differing opinions on the taste of truffles is because they are so expensive that no one has actually ever eaten them... Just once, I'd like to try them just to find out what the big fuss is all about.

4- Snake
As common as these critters are, and as supposedly delicious their meat is, one must wonder why they're not a more common source of food. Granted, there are certain difficulties encountered in the raising of them as a livestock animal, including but not limited to the fact that many species are poisonous, and the fact that they are incredibly difficult to keep confined... These factors make this something that I would have to catch for myself, if I could get my hands on one and properly identify it as a safe species that is...


That's all of them I can think of for now.

Main character, EGA-style

Hello! I'm working on a new experimental project right now, of drawing each of my main characters in different types of fashion, the first of which being Justin Mitchell in EGA (Elegant Gothic Aristocrat) style.

I'm pretty happy with how this sketch came out, as it is quite a departure from my usual style.

Seinaru Koku Eien no Inori music video - Malice Mizer

Hello!

I'm currently obsessed with one of the songs off of Malice Mizer's "Bara no Seido" album, Seinaru Koku Eien no Inori. The song is rather lengthy, but makes excellent use of several orchestral instruments (including a grand organ!), a choir, and of course the band itself. The song is incredibly beautiful and complex, but due to its length I figured there was no way there could be a music video for it. Well, I managed to find a live concert performance of the song, and I'll be damned, it sounds just as good as the album version! Some bands are just too perfect...

Anyway, here's the video:

I've turned off the autoplay on my blog's music player, so you won't have to rush down there to turn it off while watching this video. ;)

In other news, I've gotten to the end of the Re-GZ Custom kit and was ready to apply the decals; but while inspecting the sheet for the wings, I noticed that rather than "Gundam," the decal says "Gundan" instead.
I don't know if it was done to avoid copyright issues since it's not an official product, or if it was a legitimate mistake... but it is rather annoying that I won't be using such a cool-looking decal just because of a typo.


But, while I'm doing the whole embedded video thing, here's a brilliant commercial featuring the creepy Burger King guy:

Something old - Nemesis's final weapon

This is an old drawing of Nemesis's final weapon, the "Vengeful Phoenix Goddess." I designed it back when I was really into Dynasty Warriors 4, what with its overly stylized weapons and all... So you can see that there are several parts of the shaft that don't quite make sense in the overall "flow" unlike most of my other weapon designs. It is, in fact, for that very reason that I have not posted the thing... However, after seeing how successful my other two weapons I've posted over at DeviantArt have become (the "Godfire Dragon Blade" and especially the "Soul of Hell" ), and also I still rather like the forward half of this weapon, I decided to go ahead and put it up on the intarwebz for everyone to see. :P

It is interesting to note that on this one, since the primary blade is now comprised of energy (similarly to the aforementioned Godfire Dragon Blade), there is some more stuff added to the forward section to compensate. Also, though it's quite small in the picture due to foreshortening, you can see the blade from her first-form weapon used in place of the counterweight... perhaps making the weapon more of a voulge than a naginata.

New title for the series

Since the new year is meant to bring about positive, refreshing change, I have decided to take a huge step in my main series that I have been contemplating for quite some time: I'm changing the title. Since I have more experience as a writer now, I know a little more about what kinds of titles are more effective in a work... plus, with the new attitude and look of nearly every aspect of the series I felt that the title was long due for an overhaul as well. The old title, "Unholy Paladin," was one that was named for the role played by the main character, Adrian Kadmon; but it lacked the catchiness that one would expect from a title. Plus, most people are uncomfortable with the word "Unholy" and unfamiliar with the term "Paladin," except for the D&D freaks.

And so, without further ado, the new title that I've decided upon is:

DevilSaint: "lamierina del caduto"

It has a much nicer ring to it, since he main title has less syllables, plus it's easier to remember and just plain sounds cooler. It's the kind of title that really gives the impression of an epic series, yes?

And one more to finish out the year with!

I saved my best one for last! :D

This is my character Heather Dawes with her Deity Enyo. The guitar she's holding is actually my own Yamaha RGX612A (though it's kind of hard to tell from the back of it lol ). This one took a long time to complete, as I had to redraw the entire picture several times over because I simply wasn't happy with how any of the sketches were turning out; then I picked out the parts I liked out of each of the four sketches and used my light table to ink a composite of those things. I am very happy with the end result; I'd say this is probably my best illustration this year!

So, looking into 2008, I hope to be more productive as an artist, and continue improving at this rate.

Ultema

Hello!

The other day, I finished a piece for Nia of her main character, "Ultema."
Here it is!

NEW JOB!!!! And self-portrait.

YAAAAAY I just got hired on at Affiliated Computer Systems! I'll be doing data processing for Child Support cases for the state of Ohio! The job starts on January 7; I can't wait!

Also, I've drawn a new self-portrait. Enjoy!

I've shaven my face since drawing this, LOL.

I has a musics!

LOL I just figured out how to add music functionality to my Blog! You can find my playlist waaaaaay at the bottom of the page! There aren't that many songs in there yet, but I'll add more as I find more that I like from the site that provided the service.
EDIT:  Took it down; most people don't really appreciate autoplay music on webpages, and besides, this ain't no MySpace!  lol

In other news, the job fair I went to recently was a huge success. I passed the first three phases of the hiring process, and have an appointment on Wednesday for the final interview and to set up my schedule for when the new call center opens. My job there will be to handle Child Support cases for the state of Ohio; I'll be making more money than I was making at my old job, and this new place is just 10 minutes away, rather than almost an hour! Hopefully everything goes well, and I'll be back working again starting January 7! Until then, I'll just enjoy my little vacation... fortunately I had enough money saved up and was able to get a break on my rent, so this month shouldn't be too bad financially. :D

Apollo drawing, I decided not to CG. :P

Here's the finished illustration of Apollo firing the energy cannon as seen previously:


YAAAY I didn't need CG to color the lighting effects afterall! :D

Also, things seem to be looking up on the job front: There's a job fair tomorrow and Saturday, and one of the jobs is an IT firm whose starting pay is just $10/hr... but they're in town and provide full insurance and benefits without having it as a payroll deduct. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job with them!

Apollo WIP

I went ahead and just scanned the inked linework into my computer so I can try my hand at this Photoshooping thing... I've been meaning to make the switch to digital coloring for quite some time now, but haven't done so yet for three reasons:
1- My computer's processor is crap for graphics programs. But I guess I'll have to deal with the jerkiness of the pointer trying to catch up with itself in the process of trying to improve my art.
2- I didn't know how to separate the lineart to set it into the foreground without redrawing everything. Now that I've finally gotten ahold of a tutorial, I no longer have an excuse.
3- I suck at digital art. But, after getting a tablet and putting in plenty of practice on 4chan's /i/ board (For those who don't know what it is, it has a built-in art program in the forum), I might be able to produce something halfway worthwhile.


The main reason why I'm wanting to make the switch to digital coloring is because it is incredibly difficult to accurately depict lighting effects (particularly colored lighting) with traditional materials. Plus, it'll be easier to create smoother gradients, fix mistakes, and get the colors to look right since I won't have to worry about the scanner not picking up colors properly.

So... hopefully this won't turn out like crap.

Some new stuff

Hey, I've been not updating this thing for quite some time now.... I figured it was about time to put in some sort of update! So, here are some new drawings since I can't think of anything worthwhile to say:






I've been getting a little better since I've had some more practice and lessons, but I still have a long ways to go to get where I want to be. Extra thanks to the portfolio reviewer at High-Voltage Studios for giving me that kick I needed to begin to take my character illustrations to the next level (of course, actually putting in the damn backgrounds could be a smart thing too, but... I've just got to start working even harder!).

Up for a promotion!

Hello!

I am happy to report that I am up for a promotion at my job! I'm one of the candidates among those who applied to become Trainers here, due to my prior experience as both a trainer and a supervisor at another job! The pay is $2 more per hour, and it gets me off of the phones... hopefully I'll be one of the people selected for the job.


In other unrelated news, while I was working on the F90 Type-V kit I purchased recently, I managed to give myself the worst model-kit related injury I have yet to sustain. On the bottom of one of the feet, there is a recessed area in the middle between the treads that is really hard to get to for the purpose of getting rid of any glue piled up on the seam... so I took an angled "chisel"-type hobby knife blade to scrape away the glue. Well... the glue line resisted for a bit, then suddenly gave away; allowing the blade to slice RIGHT THROUGH THE TREAD ON THE SIDE OF THE SOLE and into my finger. The blade went all the way through to the bone, severing an artery and instantly unleashing a small spray of blood; some of the spatters reaching 3 feet from my desk! D: Two paper towels were completely soaked in less than a minute as I attempted to contain the bleeding, then I held a proper cloth towel over the cut for another half-hour or so until it slowed down to the rate of a normal hobby knife cut (lol). It's now been about 4 days since I did that; the hole is healed up, but my fingertip is still numb... The amusing thing about the whole ordeal when it happened was that the first thought that went through my head was not "OMG this hurts" or "Wow, that was stupid"... but rather, "I'm glad I was planning on painting this thing!" :D

Anyways, the art lessons are going fairly well; I'm still having a bit of difficulty fitting everything into my schedule, though... but I finally managed to get some decent screencaps of the mech Hathor from Zone of Enders for the redesign project requested by Kyle 3 months ago... so hopefully I'll have some time to work on that before too much longer. ;_;

Moar portrait works!

Here's another portrait painting I just completed today, of Megan Zhang from my series Trooper Blaze. I learned on the previous portrait of Amanda that I didn't really need to draw in shading with the colored pencil I did the linework with; just doing shading with the paint is fine. :P

Here's the portrait; let me know what you think!

On a sidenote, I need to find a type of paper that takes watercolor paints a little better... I'm currently using heavy Bristol boards and they wrinkle all to Hell whenever I use the paint over a large area... D: I know that there is specially made "watercolor paper", but it wrinkles just the same and has a terrible texture that often ruins the picture....